Have You Experienced the Silent Treatment?

Have you been a recipient of the Silent Treatment?

Being shut out in silence by a peer, co-worker, or family member is dangerous to anyone’s mental health. And, unlike our modern “ghosting”, it's not an end to a relationship; it’s a way of keeping another in relationship to manipulation and abuse. 

Silent treatment creates an atmosphere of anxiety, fear, and sadness that precludes an underlying sense of safety. As such, it causes unhappiness and psychological harm that most often heightens conflict in a relationship. It can lead one to feel anger, abandonment, rejection, and overall distress. (“Why the Silent Treatment Is Such a Destructive Form of Passive-Aggression” Psychology Today, Sept 11, 2022.)

The cutoff of silence is the kind of wound that can’t be seen. One cannot point to it and say, “Here is where I’ve been hurt”, but the somatic/physical manifestations are real. It can make you physically and emotionally sick to stay in relation to someone who treats you with this passive-aggressive tactic. 

If you’ve had a falling out, or if you appear to have upset someone and don’t know why, ask! The only way to repair any damage or to end the silence is to communicate about it. If the “silencer” goes deeper into shutting you out, and continues to give you the silent treatment, they are not trying to get you to go away; instead they want you to remain connected in your discomfort and pain, feeling guilty and confused. Over time, this treatment can really shake your self-confidence and have you second guessing yourself. 

If it’s a work relationship that’s gone silent and your co-worker won’t discuss the problem, it might be helpful to ask a supervisor for mediation.

If it’s a friendship or love relationship in which you find yourself being shut out when you commit “infractions”, whether you can identify them or not, you may want to seek therapeutic counsel to analyze the health of the relationship, your role in that, and whether you should stay in it or move on.

Silence is only golden in a movie theater! The silent treatment is not an end; rather it is a tether that binds two people in an unhealthy connection. You don’t need to walk on eggshells around anyone who chooses to shut you out. Get help to address the issue, and if the “silencer” refuses to participate, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship altogether. 

Here’s to healthful communication!